There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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