And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
