Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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