He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
