alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
