the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
