I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
