I met the friendliest cop last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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