oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
