now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
