i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
