you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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