Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
