no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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