I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
