5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
