just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
