I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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