"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
