I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
