Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
