My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
