I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
