were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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