Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
