pedialite and red bull = repair kit
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I believe in your delicious
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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