there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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