I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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