We won't sleep together?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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