Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
