if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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