you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
