Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
