sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
