So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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