New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
