I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
