If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
