Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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