addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
