Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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