This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
