Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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