I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
