i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
