i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
