I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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