You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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