I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
