Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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