Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
